I used exactly this too shall pass and mentioned all the laughter and joy in her future and how all the things she’s working for are and will come true, so I’m definitely attempting both angles.
I’m thinking the main thing is to try to convince her of getting professional help./
This is good advice. I’ve tried to talk to her about helping her fix her problem with moving stuff out and getting the place ready to rent.
The thing is she seems to be in a place where she almost doesn’t want help and is just set on everything being hopeless.
She told me she loves me for trying but none of it is that easy to fix
I’ll be honest, this feels like she is trying to make sure that you don’t blame yourself for what’s about to happen. I would seriously consider taking more active measures.
Bruce has the right idea. Generally, people use suicide because they don’t see any solutions to their problems.
To show her those solutions and how they can be reached would offer more than shallow platitudes and attempts to make her feel guilty for offing herself.
Easier said than done especially if you aren’t experienced with this though.
Ok so she told me she wants to get passed it, her depression today. I told her the best thing is professional help. She said she mad an appointment before and couldn’t bring herself to go. She’s afraid of giving up power over her by telling the therapist and doesn’t want to go on anti depressants.
I told her she doesn’t have to tell the therapist everything. She can just go and see how it works out, it’s a starting point, and its taking control.
She just said I refuse…
Where do I go from there?
You can’t help people that don’t want to be helped. Am learning somewhat of this painful lesson right now actually.
Going to therapy requires courage and bravery. Some people aren’t ready for it and there’s no shame in that.
Group therapy can be a less intimidating option. If she doesn’t want to participate, there’s less pressure. I mean she can pretty much just sit there if she wants to and doesn’t have to return if she doesn’t feel it’s for her.
Just removing some of the external stress is a big deal and may be all she needs. Her situation is complicated so just having some kind of plan would at least be a start.
I would ask her why she is afraid of giving up power and what she fears about anti-depressants.
I mean she talks to me and we aren’t that close
That may just mean that you’re distant enough from the rest of her life so that she can compartmentalize and talk more openly about what is bothering her. You say you know her parents, but do you know her friends?
You’re like a free therapist. She may think that you are giving her what she needs, but maybe you can convince her that a professional can do a better job of it. That may require being honest when you feel in over your head and unsure about how to help her instead of feeling that you have to project stability so that she feels anchored to life.
I’m all for helping people that are in trouble but she sounds like she might be an emotional vampire. She can suck you dry and leave nothing left.
Speaking from a lot of similar experiences here. Professional help is what she needs. I would be inclined to part ways until she sought the help, especially if it is a newer relationship and not established.
If it was a years long friend - I am probably not going to do this. I get that you want to help, but believe me, the risk you are going to cause harm yourself in the process is very high. I’ve been in the state she is right now. They really can be emotional vampires.
You can just let her know you’re there for her and care about her and will support her but this absolutely means setting strong boundaries on what is/isn’t ok and some of what you’ve described would cross those boundaries for me. Threatening self harm is something I take very seriously.
This is coming from my own experience or biases and I am not a doctor or a professional at this stuff.
It’s hard when you’re in that major depressive state because you can see people want you to get better and you may even want it for yourself if you’re not too far gone, but everything seems hopeless and pointless and like too much effort. I just really doubt you can say anything to get through to her but good for you in trying.
I don’t know what it is for me that snapped me out of it. I made a pact with my suicidal self a long time ago that I wouldn’t die until I either had the choice made for me, or until I’ve experienced all that my life had to offer. I don’t know what can get people to this point - where even though you don’t feel like continuing, you do so anyway. I genuinely lost everything and had nothing really to live for, so I started trying to build a life that was worth living (for me). I guess I had to hit a rock bottom state to where the effort of maintaining my misery was higher than the effort of trying to make my mind work better.
Meds help. They really, really help. I have a depressed friend right now that is taking them and swearing they arent working but he’s also continuing to drink like a fish and use hard drugs. It’s almost like, wtf man, do you want to be better or not? From my perspective it’s so simple now. See a doctor, do what they say, feel better. Her objections, frankly, would piss me off, especially if she was using me as her de-facto therapist.
But, depression is an inherently selfish disease and I can’t fault her for her own illness. It’s just very sad and unfortunately I don’t think you can do a lot here.
Yeah I know a lot of people in her life. Her parents, friends, basically everyone but her boyfriend. She only has a couple friends though.
And yeah i’ve been trying more to push the professional help issue. I just told her I know people who had anti depressants help. We talked before and I sent her that Robert Sapolsky video on how depression is a physical disease and she agreed.
If nothing else I think I’ll continue to be her friend and talk to her but be honest and let her know I’m not a substitute for professional help, but I’m here as a friend.
I really appreciate all your guys help
Update I pushed the anti-depressants and she just said she doesn’t want to talk about it. It does kinda annoy me that she dumps this on me but doesn’t want to try and get help.
Would it be a good idea to ask her if she is considering serious self harm? She hasn’t mentioned hurting herself since that day and it was only in a vague way of just disappearing or her ex finding her body. She was drunk/cross faded when she said it so I don’t know if that changes anything. She doesn’t have a plan, a gun, access to drugs and doesn’t use anything besides weed. There is always a bridge though, but she hasn’t mentioned anything like that.
She’s been making plans to go on adventures and visit a bunch of places.
I’m considering going to the dad but that is definitely a nuclear option. He’s a good guy, but definitely the type to handle it badly. Plus if she wasn’t serious I think that would make her depression much worse. It would end her trust in me for sure, the only person she has to talk too.
My anxiety is through the roof right now due to the below post. Any thoughts?
The fake pee quick fix works wonders. I’ve had a ton of friends pass their tests using it. You just gotta microwave it for like 30 seconds and then put it up against your body to maintain the heat. 100% success rate.
If you get an appointment where they will see you almost immediately you will be fine. If you have to wait and the clinic for hours before your test it gets tricky.
I’ve always been very wary of this. I’m not the smoothest guy in the world and I could totally see botching this.
Don’t know the situation with the ex, who broke up with who?
Be careful about being used as a pawn.
Just tape it to your gooch.