lapka-zarapka's view of the world.

I had long time a blog on 2+2 and have now one outside. What I learned from all that is that audience plays a role. It works different for my life if I write something as a diary or if there is someone who reads it. So that is basically an attempt with another audience. It will be structured slightly different to what I had on 2+2. It was basically a stream of consciousness, here I want to try the approach with different categories of posts. For now there will be:

  • trip-report
  • frugal & green
  • good food
  • unsolicited advice
  • i thought i had everything figured out
  • social in RL
  • social im internet
  • fitness
  • life hack applied
  • foraging
  • appartment

If something is going to jump through my head that doesn’t fit in anything of the above, new categories will be added. It will be very very very little to nothing of politics. But I don’t want to avoid it completely because right now a post about something what JM said to me recently is jumping through my head. It is not really political but somehow connected with theme treatment of “deplorables” and how to interact with the world in general. I was unsure where to put it because of that, but was told to put it here. I am fine with reading your POV, in fact it is welcome, especially when it gives me something interesting to think about. I hope … What for do I actually hope… (LOL I am trying to apply the rule: Articulation of certain scenarios makes them reality. And instinctively I want to articulate the worst possible scenario. And it is very hard for me to be conscious about the situation and myself and to say instead what I hope for.) I hope that many of you will find it interesting and can somehow relate. I hope to read interesting feed-back and something that gives me new impulses

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Little bit like:

Basically exactly that. Generally with all this stuff like visualization, articulation, “it is all in your head”… My conclusion, is that it totally works. But it is not some kind of miracle or something esoteric or so… It is basically always some method of changing how your own brain operates and by that changing the interaction with the world and the result. And the trick is "know thyself " and know how to apply things. Going around and repeating “I wanna be rich I wanna be rich I wanna be rich” ain’t gonna to deliver.

And for me it is soooooo, SOOOOO, SOOOOOO fking hard to not focus on the worst possible scenario. Even when I catch myself and am conscious of it.

Social in RL

I have a neighbour. The one with whom we started a couple of days ago a spontaneous russian party in our apartment complex. She is a couple of years younger with similar immigrational background, but OMG is she different from me!

I am more “I can do it” and she is “Nooooo, I just can’t do it”, “you are too tough.” , " I can’t move to another city", " What?! you will never go to this gym 5 km away!" -> I clearly go. It is a miracle that we get along good enough to actually have some fun together.

Her attitude is not always bad. I completely recognize that she has a lot easier personality. With a lot of spots, where I would just stomp my feet and push my will through, she just doesn’t even see these spots.
I forgot a couple of days ago my keys and had to pay 100 Euro for the key service. I was soooooo pissed-off at myself and while I was waiting and drinking tea with her I totally ranted about myself, and how stupid I am and that if I don’t have any problems then I make myself some…And she was just “Relax… It happens… It doesn’t matter”. And it is not only words, but her whole demeanor was…“What the fk are you upset about?”.I asked he directly to tell me how stupid it was from me to forget the keys and be how our moms would be in this situation (preachy and demeaning). She somehow absolutely couldn’t do it. Somehow the whole incident was for her really not something worth to beat me up about it and she didn’t understand why I am doing it myself.

I don’t want to become completely like her. I like where I am in life better. But I hope that some of her easyness in personality will rub-off on me.

Social in RL ; frugal & green
Foodsharing project

I participate in a foodsharing project. It is basically very anarchic organized initiative to reduce food waste. We try to collect food from supermarkets and grocery stores before they throw it away and redistribute it to everyone who wants to have it. It is very chaotic and very initiative based, but somehow it works pretty OK. Redistribution happens via online page, where food “baskets” can be posted and via Fairteiler= usually a shelf and a fridge often at some public space, where we just put the food and then whoever wants to have it, takes it.

Like you can imagine the whole thing has its own set of challenges. Liability and legal stuff is the biggest challenge. The challenge for me in the whole thing is that you have to have good social skills to be in any way usefull. You have to talk with other participants and negotiate with supermarkets and places where a Fairteiler can be set-up. I remember first time approaching a super market manager and explaining to him the situation. I was so embarassed and wanted just to dissolve in the air. Meanwhile I have some routine in that and also don’t feel discouraged by a rejection.

The “+” for me:

  • It is living my values. I grew-up in a household where food scarcity was known to the level of starvation. Throwing away food was an absolute no-go.

  • It is very social with a pretty cool crowd.

  • It is also financially a “+” for me. I invest may be 4 hours a week and I get almost all my vegies and fruits from the project. I also probably halved my grocery shopping time.

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Life hack applied.

Am in a really bad spot - in the middle of sweets aisle of the supermarket. And a couple of packages are talking to me. ( my stupid phone is not able to produce a not cloudy pics of participants in this conversation). Since I know that if I listen and take them with me, they won’t stop talking until I finish them, I am going just to walk away NOW!

Don’t ask me how I ended in this spot in first place.

edit. Did work. Walked away. The trick is not specific articulation or so. The trick is that for me short posts on the internet with statement of my intention are already a long time a trigger. It has somehow developed that a couple of times I did such posts and then actually really did what I wrote in them. And now for me it is uncomfortable to break this connection.
I will just for fun try to develop another trigger: clapping three times my hands. Will report if successfull or not.

If not at least the cookies will feel appreciated before you buy them.


I love my job

Differently to many who suffer through work, I actually like my job. I am now for a year in my current position and it is SOOOOOO SOOOO SOOOO good. I am with jobs similar like with men, every next one is better than the previous. :D

My boss is super cool and up to this day I haven’t seen a single decision from him where I would think “What a nonsense”. He gets how my work is done, gets the problems I have, has a realistic view of the situation and ACTUALLY TAKES CARE OF THE ISSUES in the work flow. That is so new for me! It is sooooo surprising! In all my previous positions it was always on me to ensure that I have infrastructure I need, that I get infos I need, that I get people and hard- and software I need, and here it is WHAM! and the problems are solved for me. And I don’t need even to invest countless hours and energy to get stuff resolved and persuade people.

My boss also gives me the feeling that I am actually valued here. I have basically complete freedom with my work hours. I can come and go as I am pleased (God… Idioms are difficult. Not sure if I used “As I please” here correctly). The company found an appartment for me in 2 min walking distance from the job. I got all moving expenses paid + I can use company vehicles (I drive actually pretty OK now. :D All the disastrous stories about my driving are from the year ago. :D) and tools. I have opportunities to learn new stuff (fire protection) and to get as much involved in the administrative process of making an offer, interacting with the client and set-up the whole project as I want.

Colleagues are great. I got a dude who does CAD for me. As first I was slightly annoyed because we have to share an office now and it was just me previously. But the dude is great. He is more on the silent and introvert side, gets his job done, doesn’t require much supervision and is zero aggravating for me, rather the opposite. And he has good feeling for when I am stressed and it is a good idea to share his cookies with me.

I like to work here.


There’s an entire sub-field of sports psychology that is dedicated to visualization and rehearsal and how much it helps.

It works the best on things that take a lot of skill or precision to do but are also somewhat repetitive, like a free throw in basketball, or a gymnastics routine. If you watch the olympics, you’ll see the gymnasts sitting there with their eyes closed, sometimes moving their arms in the motions they will use in their routines. They are visualizing. It’s really amazing how it works.

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Social in RL

My mom got into internet. She is 70 and a nerd, but worked in a non-technical field and avoided Internet as it was in already for 10 years. That leads to a lot of interesting situations. She knows exactly what she wants internet to do, but sometimes it doesn’t. Her strat is then

  1. google
  2. call me and instead of doing what I say accuse me of being useless like my dad
  3. google some more and find some extremely unusual work-around, which actually, I have to admit, always works
  4. call me and brag

When that started I always got really upset at stage 2 and it ended in tears and drama. What I learned not so long ago is not to hear the part that I am useless and just hear the cute stuff like how she describes what she is doing and her complete strat of finding her way in internet. I am actually impressed by her mental capacity to work with something completely new and foreign for her at her age. And I managed today to break the script she was playing. She was at step 2. and I laughed and told her that I love her. And somehow she stopped with all accusations and changed the tone completely and also laughed and told me that she loves me.

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Social in RL
Sceanrios in the head

I have an opportunity to apply the stuff with creation of a reality and scenario in my head right now. We have in the afternoon one meeting on a project where all the dead lines are messed-up. It is me, project manager and our CEO. I play right now the scenario that the project manager will try to put all the blame on me that I didn’t organize something, didn’t request something… and I am already building a scheme how I am going to deflect all accusations.

Not good! Wrong focus.

So… What for am I actually hoping? I hope that we focus on the stuff that has to be done and how to make that in the best way possible. I hope for an actionable list of things I have to do next. So…I am going to prepare correspondingly.

It is sooo hard even here for me now not to start to justify myself against the accusations that for now exist only in my head. It is LOL. I will try to imagine how the project manager focuses also on the list of stuff that has to happen as next steps. And see in all details my imagination delivers, what he is going to say and how I am going to react.

“I can come and go as I please.”
“You can come and go as you please.”

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I think you’ve succinctly defined workplace stress.

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Tx. You understood my problem. That was exactly the question if there should be a tense change or not.

Unsolicited advice

Any ostracizing is never a good idea.

Ps. Ha! From many sentences of ruminating one good! :rofl:

Social on the internet

Inspired by a recent interaction.
Do I have humor?

Which stuff makes me laugh? Which stuff makes me laugh from the Wester-European/USA cultural circle? I mean it is no use here to mention russian comedians or jokes. :D A couple of comedians I find funny that you might know: John Oliver, Sarah Silverman stuff like that

Also some stupid jokes like:

A student asks a professor: " What is a dilemma?"

Professor: “Hm… how can I explain that… Imagine you are in a bed with a very hot woman on one side and a a very horny dude on the other side. To whom do you turn?”

I find pranks mostly just stupid. I find basically all clips where someone has some stupid mishap just stupid and unfunny. With boy’s jokes… may be 10% are funny for me, the remainder plain stupid. The epitome of what I find just super stupid, despite many people finding it funny, is the Nima thread in OOT. Generally in the interaction it depends a TON on actual relationship with joker and on the situation if I find stuff stupid/annoying/aggressive or rather lighthearted funny.

I really don’t know if I have what is called humor. I normally don’t think about it. I recognize that I provided some stuff worthy of memes. That is fine with me and actually something I find amusing myself. In general humor/being funny/finding something funny is 100% not the stuff about which I think a lot.


Meehhhh! Pulled my shoulder.
Was climbing a couple of steps on the ladder. Then grip the bar on the side and doing the negative pull-ups from the bar. But that resulted in the asymmetric load on both arms in the first moment + probably exactly in the first moment the strongest pull. -> one arm is shot. That happened a week ago and it isn’t even a tiny bit better today. I tried today very carefully to just have the pulling movement pull-ups with leg support. It is painful. Not happy!

And I have tomorrow a calisthenic session together with two boys, who suggested a couple of things for me to change in my routine and I wanted to show-off. No showing-off for me :(.

good food

Am soaking wet. It is pissily raining outside and I went for a mushroom hike.

Here is the result:

Basically only two kinds: red cracking bolete and bay bolete. The both are similar but still not the same. The four you can see on the right lower corner: two on the left are bay bolete, two on the right red cracking bolete. You see that the sponge is more yellowish. Also it has slightly more red tones in the cap and leg coloring. Will post more on mushrooms in the mushroom thread later. A part of them is immediately roasted and put into a fall-curry. Other ingredients in the curry are pumpkin, ginger, garlic, carrots & green onions.

Cool day. I like to be in the forest and am so jelly of everyone of you with access to bigger nature areas. When I am in the forest I am as much in now as possible. Anything else just doesn’t exist.

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Just ate two mini cream puffs=80 ckal for both. That is OK, although not necessary. The question is now how to stop myself from eating 5 more from them. SMH. I will imagine how I go running tonight and they all will just try to jump out of me if I eat them now.

Weight is difficult thing. I am actually pretty OK with my weight, but trying to keep closer tabs on sweets and junk and unnecessary stuff that I regret having eaten in aftermath. Who has a working magic against such stuff please share.

social in RL

Just come home from grocery shopping. I walk in with bags full of obviously healthy stuff and carry extra in my hand two bags with baby spinach. My neighbor sees me and starts to laugh: “you are so funny you are so funny you are so funny. LOLOLOL. Are you going to eat spinach again? LOLOL”

I already mentioned her here: about same age, similar background but it is hard to imagine someone more different. One of the difference is that she constantly has some takeaways or eats out despite being overweight and on a dole - I have a job, am about 20 kg lighter than her and I cook. And she constantly tries to pull me with her to these chinese, shaurma and whatever for cheap takeaway places are around. I don’t want and don’t go because I find it just stupid and bad habit. Why should I eat something that doesn’t taste me, that would cost me extra money and lead to caloric excess? I told her so very straight forward. She doesn’t stop! I mean… I don’t try to feed her salad, but she tries to pull me to this crappy food places!

And now I had so to bite my tongue and not tell her that her food habits are rather a reason to cry and not to laugh.

I have definitely to reconsider how much contact I want with her. I really don’t need anyone who tries to pull me into the swamp of fast food, spending the evenings in front of a TV and generally kinda give-up on life.