the enterprise is visiting a paradise planet inhabited by an extremely fit and amorous race of blonde bimbos who all wear miniskirts (men and women). the landing party gets propositioned to an orgy within 5 minutes of beaming down, and wesley feels uncomfortable about it. the group drops off wesley to play with kids his own age at the next opportunity. riker was ready to have group sex with several coworkers, he was looking over at troi like, “hey sounds fun”
wesley is so desperate to avoid having sex he starts teaching the local youths how to play baseball. during the game, the landing crew learns that this society punishes any and all crimes with the death penalty, but only enforces laws in specific zones that are secret and unknown to the public. so nobody breaks any laws anywhere because nobody wants to die, especially when anybody can get laid whenever they want. extremely logical. but unlike every other aspect of their society, not tourist friendly. wesley accidentally tramples on some flowers and is nearly executed on the spot by lethal injection.
the enterprise crew appeals with the george costanza defense, but this society has one rule that it’s strict about, and it’s that if you trample on plants, you die. they’re super nice about it, suggesting enterprise uses their superior technology to simply break wesley out of prison. picard says prime directive prevents it, and is secretly happy to be rid of wesley crusher once and for all.
the ghostly space station orbiting the planet is acting like their god, warning the enterprise in a booming voice not to interfere with its people. data learns the ghostly space station is a race of hyper advanced aliens that transcended our plane of existence and live simultaneously in higher dimensional space. it also scanned data and knows all federation rules and it knows about the prime directive, so busting wesley out by force would reveal the federation to be duplicitous to this ghost space station with superpowers. wesley offers his life to settle the dispute, and as much as picard would love to throw his hands up and say, “well, they got us”, his mom is standing right there so picard makes a grand speech about justice and how exceptions must be made for justice blah blah blah, the alien gods change their mind and let them beam off world.
picard makes one last attempt to communicate with the space station, but they just blink out of sight instead of giving him any response.
Summary
s1e1, s1e2 Encounter at Farpoint parts 1 and 2 s1e8 Justice
s1e6 Where No One Has Gone Before
s1e7 Lonely Among Us
s1e4 Code of Honor
s1e5 The Last Outpost
s1e3 The Naked Now
a group of ferengi suspiciously gift picard a federation spaceship. it’s a gift of friendship to picard personally, to honor him for his grand victory against an unarmed ferengi freighter 9 years ago. picard accepts, of course. who wouldn’t?? you’d have to be stupid to turn down this kind of deal. it’s his old ship, and is legendary among the members of the crew who paid attention at starfleet academy. it’s the ship in which picard invented “the picard maneuver”, which is using warp speed in the middle of a dogfight. seems pretty basic but they’re all impressed so i won’t question it.
meanwhile the ferengi are giving picard havana syndrome, targeting migraine headaches from miles away right into his brain with some kind of glowing orb. data discovers logs on the ship in picard’s voice confessing to war crimes. picard says it’s a deepfake and that’s not how it went down, but the headaches are getting worse and he’s not able to defend himself as well.
the ferengi captain then uses the orb to mind control picard into boarding the stargazer alone, then piloting it to attack the enterprise. how is qatar gonna get trump to do this part…
data ironically suggests a maneuver which would effectively counter “the picard maneuver”, and allow them to kill picard swiftly. riker decides instead to hit him up on the communicator and yell at him to destroy the orb that’s sitting nearby with his phaser that’s on his belt.
Summary
s1e1, s1e2 Encounter at Farpoint parts 1 and 2
s1e8 Justice s1e9 The Battle
s1e6 Where No One Has Gone Before
s1e7 Lonely Among Us
s1e4 Code of Honor
s1e5 The Last Outpost
s1e3 The Naked Now
Q deploys his trusty space net and captures the enterprise again. they would never allow john de lancie’s real teeth on television today. you just don’t see it anymore. and from a Q? he can take any form he wishes, why would he choose have the worst teeth on the show? but you gotta suspend belief a little bit if you’re gonna get into star trek.
Q tells picard that he plans to test riker’s mettle by giving him the power of a Q. picard wagers his command of the enterprise on riker’s victory, against Q’s promise to stop fucking with them when they’re out on missions and shit. patrick stewart’s acting is so good in these silly situations, it reminds me of michael caine in the muppets christmas carol.
picard cautions riker against using the q powers, but riker tries to make his friends’ dreams come true anyway. he gives geordi new eyes, makes wesley 10 years older (you’ll never believe the transformation), and offers to make data human. data flatly refuses, while glancing over at picard, he’s such a golden retriever
riker even conjures a klingon hottie for worf, who he beats up immediately. geordi asks, disgustedly, if this is what sex is for him, and worf confirms that klingon sex is just violence towards women. deeply problematic.
when the crew starts asking for their disabilities back, riker feels like a shithead and ends the charade
Summary
s1e1, s1e2 Encounter at Farpoint parts 1 and 2
s1e8 Justice s1e10 Hide and “Q”
s1e9 The Battle
s1e6 Where No One Has Gone Before
s1e7 Lonely Among Us
s1e4 Code of Honor
s1e5 The Last Outpost
s1e3 The Naked Now
the enterprise visits a paradise world with mystical healing powers, but they never beam down because troi is reminded of her arranged marriage to a sweet handsome young man. troi wants to hate him and bail on the wedding and keep hooking up with riker off camera, but he’s also charming and intelligent, so it’s difficult for her.
and then to up the difficulty higher, we first meet one of my all-time favorite characters, troi’s mom. she bounds in and starts making demands like she owns the enterprise. she’s got picard carrying her luggage while her valet, The Fireman from twin peaks, just stands there.
troi’s finance, named wyatt, has been having psychic visions of a beautiful woman, and he thought it was troi cause they’ve never met, but it ends up being a princess on a refugee ship trying to reach this planet haven. he flees to their ship before the wedding, promising to work to cure the deadly disease they’re all infected with. there’s like 8 people on this space ship, 9 now with wyatt. and once he joins they just fly into deep space. bro just call off the wedding if she’s not into it, don’t throw your life away. too late
Summary
s1e1, s1e2 Encounter at Farpoint parts 1 and 2
s1e8 Justice
s1e10 Hide and “Q”
s1e9 The Battle s1e11 Haven
s1e6 Where No One Has Gone Before
s1e7 Lonely Among Us
s1e4 Code of Honor
s1e5 The Last Outpost
s1e3 The Naked Now
picard is working hard lately so he takes a break and plays a Dixon Hill Mystery on the holodeck. but oh no! there’s a malfunction and they can’t get out and also the bullets are real. meanwhile a group of hostile aliens are demanding to negotiate directly with the captain, disrespecting riker’s legal authority and the official federation chain of command.
wesley rigs the door open and the holodeck mob boss steps onto the enterprise for 5 glorious seconds before disintegrating into light particles or whatever he’s made of. picard then runs onto the bridge, still in his 1940s outfit, and delivers the highly specific alien-language greeting he was preparing before the holodeck vacation. the aliens are impressed by dixon’s diction, and the bridge crew cheers and applauds. data tries to tell one last joke in 1940s roleplay but picard cuts him off and tells him to get back to work. “WE ARE NOT HERE TO HAVE FUN!” is an actual patrick stewart quote from the set of tng season 1.
Summary
s1e1, s1e2 Encounter at Farpoint parts 1 and 2
s1e8 Justice
s1e10 Hide and “Q”
s1e9 The Battle
s1e11 Haven
s1e6 Where No One Has Gone Before s1e12 The Big Goodbye
s1e7 Lonely Among Us
s1e4 Code of Honor
s1e5 The Last Outpost
s1e3 The Naked Now
Agree, although it’s hard to know how well Q would have worked if they hadn’t cast Stewart as Picard. Stewart and de Lancie have great chemistry selling what is a kind of goofy idea. It’s harder than it looks.
For sure. One of the reasons that Picard is such a great character is that Stewart is an honest to God world class actor. It’s what the self indulgent Reddit poster types call “elevating” the material.
the enterprise swings by data’s homeworld to gather clues about his mysterious origins. data was discovered alone in a cave on a dead planet, covered in dust. and until geordi’s super vision found the secret door, nobody knew there was a secret science lab underground.
in the lab, data finds some assorted android parts and instead of keeping them in storage in case he needs replacement parts, he tries to build a whole new robotic man. and this new robotic man is evil, you can tell instantly by the music. this is like when that machine transformed steve urkel into stefan urkelle, allowing jaleel white to display a wider range of acting abilities.
after lore knocks out data and swaps outfits with him, he summons The Crystalline Entity™, just like he did to that planet. wesley is the only one to suspect anything, and the rest of the crew hates him for it. “shut up, wesley!”, they shout
after they fight lore and transport him into space or something, they go to data, “are you okay?” and he says, “i’m fine [twitch]” and instead of getting suspicious that he used a contraction AND did the lore twitch, picard just tells him to get rid of the twitch and everybody moves on. okayyy
Summary
s1e1, s1e2 Encounter at Farpoint parts 1 and 2
s1e8 Justice
s1e10 Hide and “Q”
s1e9 The Battle s1e13 Datalore
s1e11 Haven
s1e6 Where No One Has Gone Before
s1e12 The Big Goodbye
s1e7 Lonely Among Us
s1e4 Code of Honor
s1e5 The Last Outpost
s1e3 The Naked Now
the enterprise visits a feminist planet to rescue federation emergency escape shuttle survivors. riker troi and tasha yar beam down to do diplomacy, and riker dresses up as one of the local men (deep DEEP v neck shirt with one nipple exposed and lots of earrings). riker bangs the leader of this planet within hours.
the shuttle survivors have been stranded on the planet seven years, living as fugitives as they flee the perverted justice of this female-run planet. meanwhile up in space, an epidemic of sore throats and the sniffles make it so nobody can transport back. bad timing, because the dei government just captured the shuttle survivors and their families and sentenced them all to death. not sure what their exact crime was, i suspect it’s something like not respecting women enough. they have local wives and children, they don’t hate women. but it’s tricky, when you’ve got women in charge. they can just decide one day to have you killed for being a man.
fortunately, riker’s expert love-making skills thawed the cold heart of the planet’s leader enough to get her to consider exile instead of death for the prisoners and their families.
idk what the moral of this story was
Summary
s1e1, s1e2 Encounter at Farpoint parts 1 and 2
s1e8 Justice
s1e10 Hide and “Q”
s1e9 The Battle
s1e13 Datalore
s1e11 Haven
s1e6 Where No One Has Gone Before
s1e12 The Big Goodbye
s1e7 Lonely Among Us s1e14 Angel One
s1e4 Code of Honor
s1e5 The Last Outpost
s1e3 The Naked Now
the enterprise docks in port for a tune up. a group of autistic aliens improves the holodeck so much that riker is able to build a woman that even he can’t resist. picard, rather foolishly, walks in on riker’s holodeck program without knocking. riker is actively hooking up with the holodeck woman but thankfully their clothes are still on. both of them chat enjoyably with her while the rest of the ship evacuates due to an imminent warp core explosion.
fortunately, the ship isn’t about to explode, meaning picard and riker are on their own as the ship flies itself out into space. the autistic aliens reprogrammed the ship to hijack it back to their planet to reboot their planetary mainframe.
picard is very understanding and forgives them, saying he would have helped them if they asked. they didn’t ask because it’s life or death and they couldn’t risk denial, and crucially they can’t fathom negotiation because they think in binary. riker is devastated when he discovers his holodeck girlfriend was part of the programming that the aliens took with them to their planet.
Summary
s1e1, s1e2 Encounter at Farpoint parts 1 and 2
s1e8 Justice
s1e10 Hide and “Q”
s1e9 The Battle
s1e13 Datalore
s1e11 Haven
s1e6 Where No One Has Gone Before
s1e12 The Big Goodbye s1e15 11001001
s1e7 Lonely Among Us
s1e14 Angel One
s1e4 Code of Honor
s1e5 The Last Outpost
s1e3 The Naked Now
a sick elderly admiral is brought on board to aid with a hostage negotiation. he rapidly de-ages and reveals he discovered a mythical fountain of youth type drug cocktail. he reveals he’s responsible for the decades-long war on this planet because he armed both sides of the conflict in order to achieve a short-term goal
first he leads a violent assault to free the hostages, but that fails. he then confronts the captor, but he doesn’t believe he’s the de-aged old man he knew years ago. his sickness comes back and he dies suddenly. the captor, seeing this, decides to release the hostages and begin peace negotiations.
Summary
s1e1, s1e2 Encounter at Farpoint parts 1 and 2
s1e8 Justice
s1e10 Hide and “Q”
s1e9 The Battle
s1e13 Datalore
s1e11 Haven
s1e6 Where No One Has Gone Before
s1e12 The Big Goodbye
s1e15 11001001
s1e7 Lonely Among Us
s1e14 Angel One
s1e4 Code of Honor s1e16 Too Short A Season
s1e5 The Last Outpost
s1e3 The Naked Now
