Boyfriend goes AWOL or even dies at the last minute comes to mind
I’m sure that happens, but I have never known a woman in real life for whom that would change the decision from keep to give up for adoption. I’m sure my sample is not very representative, which is probably why I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around this.
Really? Women drop babies at fire stations (and worse). Very young women. Women who lose their jobs. Women who couldn’t get access to an abortion, who just put the decision off, who have other children and realized they couldn’t afford it, who have health issues (mental health), who were never 100% sure they wanted it and became clear they didn’t as they got there, the father left, they get a new partner who doesn’t want the baby, their family is proving to not be supportive…on and on.
What’s effed up is that apparently in some surrogacy situations the woman can’t change her mind and keep her baby.
Upper-middle class married people in their 30s and beyond who waited years and carefully planned when to have children and had their nurseries professionally decorated?
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Well, I thought it went without saying, but yeah that’s pretty close. No professional decorating in most cases, though.
Depending on the circumstances, I don’t think that’s necessarily fucked up. In fact, I’m sure plenty would argue that allowing the surrogate to change their mind would be fucked up in some cases.
I still haven’t done oreo’s recommended reading, but I think most laws tend to give priority to the parents who contributed the DNA. So, if the surrogate is using egg and sperm from another couple my guess would be that in that case, as you say, once the baby is out surrogate has no claim. I’m just guessing though. I’m sure the laws are complex and state-specific.
OK gang, I’m convinced. Apparently my sheltered existence has hidden from me all of the apparently common reasons someone might make a last minute decision to give up their child.
That argument seems like it’s based on the same reasoning people use to outlaw abortion from conception. Seems absolutely wrong to me. Terribly wrong. The egg isn’t a baby. The sperm isn’t a baby. The fertilized egg isn’t a baby. They are ingredients.
I can see both sides of this one. There is no way out of it without someone getting emotionally wrecked. Obviously, your argument has merit. And clearly you have put more thought into it than I have.
Playing devil’s advocate here, since I’ve got a few minutes, a couple things the other side would say in response would be:
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The uterus is not a baby either. Just a vessel. If the mom wants to abort, that’s fine. But once the baby is out, it’s not clear that she should have a greater claim.
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If you sign a contract, then you need to fulfill your contractual obligations.
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Basically it’s impossible for this to be clear. It’s not a math problem.
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This isn’t legally true. There are lots of exceptions, and I think usually for good reasons.
I meant #2 as a general principle. If you’re going to violate it you need to come up with a very good reason (which, as you note, can happen). The presumption is to stick with the contract unless you have an overwhelming reason not to. That’s hard when #1 is impossible to be clear.