I think the conservative media has really trained folks like your in-laws to be bitter and unhappy. Definitely tragic. I’d have a hard time not mentioning to them that you had made that observation about them. And then point out that you and your wife are not bitter, not unhappy and not Republican.
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I’m sure Nazis were nice to their families, neighbors and other Nazis.
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This is much better than my above attempt to try to convey the same thing.
Cmon dude they were always like this. My brother in law, a guy I see 2x per year is a short haul truck driver who lives in a small city hours from a large one, and he will occasionally make dumb racist jokes because he probably ingests some shitty media. I rip on him when he does, of course. But I have never heard him say the n word. And its not because he knows I’m some libtard its because while he’s probably not a great person he’s not the worst people. Your inlaws are the worst people. Just write them off.
And man I know its not my place but I would do anything to not put my wife in a situation where at the end of it shes going to be crying.
This is exactly right. The whole point is that they aren’t indiscriminately hateful, they divide the world into people that are people, and people that are subhuman nothings. They will execute black people in public the same way they will shoot animals, its all the same to them.
I get where you’re coming from, but these are her parents, so I assume that she wanted to see them. In his shoes, the most resistance I’d put up would be “Are you sure you want to do this?”. I guess “Any time you want to GTFO, just say the word” would also be appropriate. But I wouldn’t actually stop her.
Cool. What are their thoughts on universal health care, unemployment benefits, welfare, etc?
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RE: horrible in-laws and the visitation of such: it’s not about you, it’s not about them, it’s about your wife. If she wants to see them even though it makes her cry, you go and you support her as best you can. And that probably involves keeping your mouth shut and not telling your in-laws how horrible they are.
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I agree with you. Fear and hatred come from the same source.
But the N-word drop seems to be a sign the racism was always there with at least one of them.
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Wait you think amead forced his wife to go visit her own parents? That makes no sense.
My stepdad was a racist - grew up in rural Texas as white trash as you could get. He kept it cool around me because he knew my mom didn’t like it. But it slipped out every now and then.
However I also saw him be insanely nice to black people he thought were ok (“the good ones” - although he never said that out loud). His racism was always against the faceless hoards who were out there committing crimes or w/e. Given his lowest class upbringing, in some sense I looked at is a rivalry thing. But still racist of course.
I consider boardroom glass ceiling racism that never actually says any of the wrong words to be a lot more pernicious. When I worked at a hardware store the owner got mugged over the weekend. On Monday the N-word was flying all over the place. Never heard the dude say anything remotely racist before that. To me that’s the most deadly kind of racism. He’ll never hire a black person to an important post, and only he will ever know the real reason.
Anyway - I agree with amead - life is complicated. My stepdad was a racist hardass. But he was raised in a truly fucked up family, and he gave me a lot better than what he got - which I think is all you can do as a parent. So I can’t hate him for being an asshole.
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Your stepdad and real dad seem about as opposite as two people can be. Seems incredible that they ended up marrying the same woman.
Don’t get the take here, if I knew that interaction with in laws would strongly result in wife crying I would do my best to convince wife to not interact with inlaws at all, ever. Maybe I misworded it.
Yeah, you kind of did. No one is going to read the “I would do anything” in the first post as “do my best to convince”.
got it no problem sounds like I didn’t think my response through right here
I hear what you are saying for sure. I’m certain I didn’t eloquently describe the full situation here, and I agree that if seeing her parents made her so upset that she’d end up breaking down, I’d certainly turn things up to 11.
That said, she verbalized her emotion as feeling sad that her parents seemed so unhappy. There are some other things at play there, particularly with a brother who is struggling that weighs heavily on all their happiness in general, so the bits and pieces of “deplorable politics” that came up over the weekend was just one part of it.
But yah, appreciate y’all’s perspective. Really hate Fox News and Facebook these days, though I acknowledge that the seeds of the deplorable fruit would certainly be there either way.
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Yeah my Mom is kind of weird like that. Went on to marry two other guys who are kind of similar to each other but not to my Dad or stepdad.
I’m glad I grew up with both different perspectives. My Dad is a hyper-liberal mystical poet who I had a lot of deep talks with as a teenager, and whose iconoclasm and anti-materialism definitely rubbed off on me.
My stepdad gave me my love of the outdoors, appreciation for working with your hands, and in my formative years from 8-13 - an example of how to be a man who’s consistent and follows through on what he says (minus the racism, which never came out around me out until I was an adult, and then only rarely as he knew I didn’t like it).
The biggest thing he instilled was teaching me how to work. After one summer as his mechanic’s assistant when every day was over 100 degrees with no A/C - every job since has seemed easy. W/o my stepdad my work habits would probably be as bad as my non-existent study habits.
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Never gets old.
i’m in a somewhat converse situation. my dad is the one who is letting racist stuff slip out in conversation more and more. i’m even starting to remember episodes from childhood where those comments went unchallenged. and quite honestly, it’s been close to ten years that i have had unease bringing my poc partner to see my parents. i just tell her that she doesn’t have to come, but she still does once a year. although it doesn’t usually work out badly. it’s way worse in my head prior to the visit. it’s a mindfuck.
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