Airing Reconciliation and Empathy Rather than Grievance

Hey team,

In midst of combined horrors of COVID and the Trump administration, this place became a second home to many of us. And it was easy to be united in that home as long as we felt collectively attacked by shared outside forces. Now, in the aftermath, the lack of outside threat has left us all a lot more sensitive to the ways in which - perhaps - our home doesn’t quite feel like it. I hope we can work through this and move past it, because there is a lot that I value about this place and about the people here. But I’m nervous about the trend toward long-term grudge-holding, and I’m hoping that this thread can be a place for us to do something about it.

Let’s use this thread to share appreciation for other posters, to take steps toward reconciliation, and to practice some perspective-taking in order to work through otherwise lasting conflict. Toward that end, I’ll start. There genuinely isn’t anyone on this board that I wouldn’t have a beer with IRL so maybe this is easier for me to do than for some, but I’d still like to do my best to reduce rancor here and to share some corresponding love. Below is a combined list of people that:

  1. I appreciate
  2. That I’ve argued with in the past - even if those conversations ended on good or semi-neutral terms (which we certainly attempted!)
  3. People who I just think deserve to hear some kindness.
    I’ll keep adding later.

@RiskyFlush
I miss you. I miss your kind presence on this forum, and I hope that we can restore this place to somewhere that you feel safe and enlivened by being a part of. If not, just know that I wish you all the very best in life.

@tabbaker, Victor, Watevs
I think we had some temporarily-rocky conversations last year because I was so traumatized by the Trump presidency that I was terrified of anything other than his 2020 loss. But the Dems are largely complicit morons, and I don’t blame you for staying passionately fired up about that.

@Everyone affected by the c-word processes
I wasn’t really involved in this and don’t have an issue with final decision, but I also want to express empathy for those from other countries feeling othered by this. If a word is part of your linguistic identity, it must make this place seem less like home to feel that parts of your identity aren’t welcome here. On the flip side, I also appreciate the many people here who so passionately advocated for the protection of gender identifies affected by that word.

@Lawnmower_Man
You probably don’t know this, but I am a huge fan of your mad-scientist coffee updates. Someday I’ll MacGyver my own grinder as well, but in the meantime I’ll continue to live vicariously via you.

@JT2
I don’t know where things stand re: you and this forum, but just know that I’ve always appreciated having you here. Your passion and bravery in relocating your family during the past few years has been really admirable. One father to another, I deeply respect the way you work to protect your kids. I hope this becomes a place you’ll want to participate in again as well.

@PocketChads
I’ve always respected your advocacy and activism IRL, but you also took on modding during an impossible time and I think suffered unfairly for it. I hope to see you back, but support you in doing whatever is necessary to take care of yourself.

@jman220reading
I hope you’re OK man. Being attacked re: mental health, on a board where you’ve been vulnerable about that, is just completely unconscionable. It’s pretty clear you’re remorseful for the (admittedly, rough) aftermath, and I hope everyone comes out of this whole process having learned rather than broken.

@users being demonized for previous usernames (there’s one in particular I’m thinking of, but won’t even say it here because I hate this whole concept).
I believe that people can change and grow in really positive ways. I think some of you have done so, and it drives me crazy to see others still dismiss you outright because of who you were or views you held years ago. To grow is admirable, and for a board that tries to avoid “othering” people, I think we should be a lot more careful about othering someone because of who they used to be.

@Riverman
I would listen to a podcast of your rants. Consider monetizing.


I’ll continue adding more as I have time. There are many of you that I’ve missed. I hope some of you will contribute as well.

31 Likes

200 (4)

10 Likes

You forgot @anon46587892 and @zikzak and other guys who have done heavy lifting on the admin front!

13 Likes

I don’t hate anyone here tbh. I want this place to work. This place kept me sane during Covid. It can be a great source of information, discussion and debate. Some specific shoutouts:

@skydiver8 I was way too hard on you for the Pete stuff. I feel bad about that and apologize.

@PocketChads thank you for your service. I am sad to see you go but I also know that must have been a tough term so I don’t blame you. I’ve enjoyed following your work adventures.

@JT2 I hope you know I appreciated you reaching out at times over the last year. Don’t hold my frustrations with the last few days against me. It isn’t personal with most of you and least of all you.

@Captains With some very few exceptions my main problem with everything is that I want you all here. Not in a subforum or your own forum. I’m sure my posting has seemed anger filled and I apologize for that. I was angry. I calmed down now (like I always do) and wish I had handled it better (like I always do). I’ll try and do my part to drop this shit and make this a more harmonious place.

18 Likes

I thank all of you for the unspoken appreciation you have towards me. I recognize it and respect all of you for who you are as people.

4 Likes

@microbet years ago when my irl was at bottom, I msged with him about what was going on and he offered me a job climbing ladders / installing solar panels in Cali. I didn’t move out there but was super nice and made me feel like someone cared.

6 Likes

I’ve got a couple:

@zarapochka - We violently disagree on a lot of things, but I’ve always liked you despite our disagreements. And I feel bad that I left the forum right after another of our dustups. We likely would have patched things up again and continued feuding but without hard feelings lingering for many months.

@Sabo - I’m pretty sure I was nasty to you in the landlord thread and said some pretty mean things to you at various times about not being able to understand any of the points you were making. Since some very smart people seem to think that you make good points, it’s likely a me problem with comprehension.

@anon10396289 - Already said this once, but I trolled you constantly over the years, and you pretty much only trolled me in the deflategate thread at the old old place.

@Jalfrezi - Sorry I reflexively defended jman for quite a while before I took the time to really read and understand what was going on. You were still an asshole at many times, but so am I.

No idea why I cannot @ micro or Johnny - but I’m a little sad I cannot live up to the examples that you two set. In particular, micro you warned me for years about the lord of the flies shit that was going on and that I participated in.

6 Likes

you can’t @ people who are banned. Or maybe you can but it won’t pop up and complete it.

One that still causes me embarrassment is @FakeJbro when I stupidly failed to recognise him as Jbrochu and gave him some stick for being a Jman gimmick.

Sorry.

4 Likes

DPRK sanctions suzzerwalrus group bonding activity as wholesome diversion from glorious daily worker productivity output.

1 Like

God damnit. If I blank on this thread after blanking on the captains thread y’all will find me over in the mental health thread!

2 Likes

I wish to dedicate this to each and every one of you, except @Fatboy8, who is, needless to say, an asshole:

2 Likes

@nunnehi

I apologize for ignoring and probably participating in dog piles and othering aimed at you.

5 Likes