Man eating deer you say? Fuck it, why not
Nate Fisherās niece gifted it to him
They have an enormous one in Knoxville. They use it for training forensic scientists
Stiff is probably her best book. The ones that followed have been kind of meh.
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Oh like youāve written better
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Iām probably missing the joke, but if not, I know in Portland OR USA itās almost the default that the customer is expected to bus their own table, separate their garbage, etc
In america, we just throw our garbage on the floor 
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Bought a box of DeCecco linguine. I open the box to make lunch:
- It feels oddly light and emptier than normal; I weigh it and sure enough itās about 25% short on the weight
- It is definitely not linguine - the pasta is almost completely circular shaped like spaghetti
- It doesnāt have the rougher texture that DeCecco normally does - itās very smooth like the lower-quality Ronzoni/Barilla pastas.
What the heck happened here? Should I be worried I have some compromised product that might harm me if I tried to eat it? Or if Iām hungry should I just go for it?
I donāt think that you are going to die, but somewhere along the way, someone switched the contents of that box.
Hereās one slightly farfetched theory. Some other customer wanted DeCecco pasta and wanted to pay less, so they opened a box of cheap spaghetti and switched contents when no one was looking. If you go through self checkout no one is going to notice. Depending on how they close the box you could get it past human checkout.
Groceries are expensive. Desperate times call for desperate measures. If the box you bought appeared perfectly sealed, then they really went all out (or more likely this is not the explanation).
I mean, this is an explanation, but thereās virtually no way that somebody that cares about the difference between DeCecco pasta and the lesser brands is swapping out the contents to save a buck or whatever it is.
I know you said farfetched. Iāll amend it and say extremely far fetched.
Also, AI summary says this about DeCecco pasta:
So the likely explanation is DeCecco changed their pasta, AND somebody at the factory fucked up and boxed it incorrectly.
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Thatās the part that is hard to wrap my head around. I assume the boxing is all automated. So, the machines put in the wrong amount and wrong kind of pasta? Seems quite unlikely also.
They must have filled it with bucatini by mistake at the factory (i.e. the spaghetti factory).
The bottom seal of the package does seem slightly āoffā. Hard to describe - the seal is pretty smooth so I wouldnāt say it has obvious signs of tampering, but it has the look and feel of when cardboard/paper gets wet and then dries out.
Itās funny you mention the possibility of a customer swapping pasta, because as I think about whether Iām going to bother bringing it back on my next trip and ask for a refund, the first thing I thought was they may assume I swapped the pasta.
Is there a source on the AI for that? I feel like sometimes AI takes a very low instance of comments and states it in a response (especially if you asked it āhas DeCecco quality gone down recently?ā). A quick search on r/pasta doesnāt turn up any recent comments on a degradation of DeCecco quality. (ETA: It looks like that comment comment comes from a 2-year old Reddit thread; responses note that they sell both types, the rougher being bronze-drawn and the smooth being Teflon-drawn, but Iāve never come across this issue in the last couple of years with DeCecco). Also doesnāt explain the weight variance.
I think the most likely scenario is something happened at the factory level, but Iām still not sure what, because even DeCeccoās spaghetti is not that crappy smooth texture. I thought maybe thereās a big pasta factory somewhere that makes various brands and there was a mix-up, but Google claims DeCecco has their own facilities.
Iāll certainly be peering through the little window more closely in the future.
No source on the AI, so who knows.
Iād drop a note to DeCecco though with your complaint. Iām sure theyād want to know if it was something happening at the manufacturing level:
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Was afraid this one would be too subtle to bother posting or maybe just not funny enough, and it looks like I was right.
Of foods which could be tampered with, dry pasta much be near the bottom of the list.
I agree with the theory that it was likely a packaging error, since what you received is known as bucatini.